Musings on Loneliness and Belonging

I just came across this piece below on Loneliness; it examines the concept in a multi-dimensional way that I both resonate with and that I find utterly fascinating. It’s not something that people talk about a lot – but if we’re honest and willing to be vulnerable and authentic, it’s a human emotion and it’s something all of us feel on occasion.

I’m on my own for a week’s vacation break in Hawaii this week, and I’m both alone and, if I’m honest, a little lonely. I’d prefer to have companionship here with me to enjoy this beautiful place (and experience that delicious sense of belonging with or to someone). The power ballad “All by Myself” by Eric Carmen comes to mind; a song I’ve always loved - the lyrics really hit home. Incidentally, while Eric’s original is great, one of my fave versions of it is a cover done by singer Jamie O’Neal.

Being here in paradise by myself allows for deep reflection, restoration, rest and recovery from my daily round – and it’s wonderful. I lived here many years ago on my own, so I can do it, but at this stage of my life I’d much rather have someone here enjoying it with me.

I’m posting this under the Mass Collaboration category because in the spirit of creativity and content creation many of the world’s great art, music, films and books have either encompassed the topic of loneliness in them, or indeed have been inspired by it (as with the song example above)!

I’d love to hear your thoughts, insights and reactions to this piece – which again I find myself resonating with quite deeply.


is the doorway to unspecified desire. In the bodily pain of aloneness is the first step to understanding how far we are from a real friendship, from a proper work or a long sought love. Loneliness can be a prison, a place from which we look out at a world we cannot inhabit; loneliness can be a bodily ache and a penance, but loneliness fully inhabited also becomes the voice that asks and calls for that great, unknown someone or something else we want to call our own.

Loneliness is the very state that births the courage to continue calling, and when fully lived can undergo its own beautiful reversal, becoming in its consummation, the far horizon that answers back.

In the grand scale of things, loneliness is a privilege. Human beings may have the ability to feel aloneness as no other creature can; with a power magnified by intelligence and imagination. Animals may feel alone in an instinctual way, moving naturally and affectionately toward others of their kind, but human beings may be the only beings that can articulate, imagine or call for a specific life they feel they might be missing.

Loneliness is the substrate and foundation of belonging, the gravitational field that draws us home and in the beautiful essence of its isolation, the hand reaching out for togetherness. To allow ourselves to feel fully alone is to allow ourselves to understand the particular nature of our solitary incarnation, to make aloneness a friend is to apprentice ourselves to the foundation from which we make our invitation others. To feel alone is to face the truth of our irremediable and unutterable singularity, but a singularity that can kiss, create a conversation, make a vow or forge a shared life. In the world or community, this essential singularity joins with others through vision, intellect and ideas to make a society.

Loneliness is not a concept, it is the body constellating, attempting to become proximate and even join with other bodies, through physical touch, through conversation or the mediation of the intellect and the imagination. Loneliness is the place from which we pay real attention to voices other than our own; being alone allows us to find the healing power in the other. The shortest line in the briefest e-mail can heal, embolden, welcome home and enliven the most isolated identity.

Human beings are made to belong. Loneliness is the single malt taste of the very essentiality that makes conscious belonging possible. The doorway is closer than we think. I feel alone; therefore I belong.

‘Loneliness’ From CONSOLATIONS: The Solace, Nourishment and Underlying Meaning of Everyday Words.

© David Whyte & Many Rivers Press

I am reminded of that really interesting book by Sherry Turkle, “Alone Together”. Her she is at a TedTalk on it.